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8/23/2006 Natalia's Feelings about the Break-Up ..I
think that the break-up is really driving me closer and closer to
insanity ... Last night, I threw temper tandrums at an empty box of
Kleenex ... (Talk about being pissed .. Not just becuz of Rain .. but
becuz even the box of Kleenex won't even help me after the 6th reach
for something to wipe my tears with ...) So I ended up using my bed
covers again ...  ... after I threw the empty box across to the other side of the room ... that is ...There are days when I feel that there is nothing left for me to live for ... and there are the days when I just feel disappointed in Rain ... I worked so hard to get to that point in the relationship ... and he just blows it off ... No matter how much I feel that I should hate him .. I still love him .. which makes all matters worse ... I still live to accomplish another task .. which is to make some sort of memorandum for our beloved Matsumoto Hideto ... He played a big part in my life . and I adored him ... He is every bit of an inspiration to me ... He's a talented jrocker yet still a "down-to-earth" kind of guy ... Even though he died over 8 years ago, I still pray to him ... to give his strength to me so that I can carry on with this life ... I can feel my wings breaking ... yet there is nobody there to mend them ... When they shatter (if they do) ... I will no longer exist in this life ... And perhaps only Hideto-sama is the only one who knows when that will be ... |
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